Something weird is happening...

Yes, that's exactly how it felt. All of a sudden, my stomach felt like butterflies were swirling around in it - something weird is happening. I have felt this nervous energy before that jolts me out of a normal day into a frenzy of worrying and negative thoughts. It's called anxiety for me. This is what it feels like and it had become a distant memory for a few years. I had actually forgotten that I once suffered from anxiety and depression after several years on a SSNI that worked great, monthly CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), meditation, healthy lifestyle changes - all the things that experts say works actually worked for me!

There was a reason for it to surface then though. In 2019, I had just lost my 25-year-old daughter to a devastating blood infection that destroyed her heart and other major organs so horribly that even a young, strong woman couldn't fight it off. It was the most horrific time of my life as I grieved for my daughter, who barely had a chance to live herself. It wasn't fair; it wasn't meant to happen like that; it wasn't right. However, I managed to grieve well, and sought professional help to get through such a loss. So, when those same anxious feelings started to resurface years later, I was perplexed.

In 2020, I can honestly say that my life was looking good. I had three daughters doing very well in school; involved in sports, music, and theater; and helpful at home. I had plenty of social outings including tennis, volunteering, and neighborhood parties. My husband and I were celebrating more than 15 years of marriage and in general, life was good. So, why out of nowhere did symptoms of anxiety start popping up?

My first call was to my nurse praticitioner who specializes in psychology and female mental health issues. In going over what I had started to experience, she asked me a few questions:

1. How are you sleeping? How many hours per night? Do you have trouble falling asleep, staying asleep or waking up?

2. Have you noticed any sweating at night? Or, have you experienced a hot flash?

   1. As described by her, "A hot flash can come on suddenly and feels like an intense heat and sweat in the face, neck and chest. You may just feel like you're blushing, but that is a hot flash."

3. Do you feel less energetic? Are you noticing fatigue at certain times of the day that are unexplained?

4. How about your sex life? Tell me how often you're having sex and is it still pleasurable, or is it painful?

Ok, now that she's asking me these questions, I'm starting to see a pattern here. Yes, yes, yes, and yes! I am having trouble falling asleep. I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat and have to turn the AC cooler and turn all the fans on! Once 3:00 p.m. hits, I'm ready to go to bed. And, I could take or leave sex with my husband. Nothing against him at all, I just literally don't have any desire. And, I'm so dry down there that sexual intercourse hurts. Wow! Mind blown!

The NP informed me that my sypmtoms are all typical of Perimenopause and my heightened anxiety is due to my previous bouts of anxiety and depression. Once you've struggled with it in the past, you're more likely to have it again during major life changes like Perimenopause. Why hadn't I heard of this before? Why isn't this something that your Primary Care Physician or Gynocologist warns you about? I was stupified that this roller coaster I had been on was actually something every woman in the world goes through at some point in their life, in varying degrees of course. She gave me a few helpful hints, some tools to use, and a natural remedy called Black Cohosh Root that has helped many of her patients. So, I left feeling more hopeful because I was able to identify the reason why my anxiety was coming back and how I can get ahold of it again.

I wish I could say that did the trick. But, like all of life's adventures, Perimenopause was just getting started and I was in for quite a thrill.